I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
