I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
