I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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