walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
