dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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