I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
