your room smells of hookers.
And success
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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