Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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