im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
