why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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