Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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