david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
