he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
