she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
