I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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