do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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