To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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