Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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