He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
