i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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