How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
