got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize