Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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