It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
