he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
