I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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