I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
