Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Boobs speak an international language.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
