ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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