It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
