can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
