Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
