i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
