Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
