Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We have started to decorate penises.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
