I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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