We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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