Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
