you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
