I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If its not for food we ain't going out.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize