HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
