toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
tonight lets celebrate not being married
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
