She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize