Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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