How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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