Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
