Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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