You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
