Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
