i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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