Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
