Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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