My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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