How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize