I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Houston, we have a squirter
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
