When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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