I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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