i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
