Farmville is her only friend.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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