I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
