At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
