you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
