my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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