addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
