I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
