my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize