Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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