I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize