I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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