I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize