Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
