Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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