i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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