i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
