My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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