I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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