While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
