My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
