I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
