I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
