I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize