You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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