I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize