Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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