dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
