My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i now understand why vodka
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
