Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
