matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
